By Luke Freeman on 2002-07-12
Whatever happened to the classic one-on-one battles, arch nemesis’s, traditional rivals? Whatever happened to those memorable, blood thirsty, show no mercy rivalries that divided a nation? Coke vs Pepsi, Nintendo vs Sega, Sean Connery vs Roger Moore? In the good old 80’s everyone had their favorite from each, in fact your preference in these rivalries went a long way to defining who you were. Whatever happened to these days? I miss them. Sure these classic rivalries still exist to some extent, but they are merely shadows of their former selves. When asked, people have to think before they answer now, this never used to be the case. Those glory days are over, but there’s no use mourning the loss of our classic dust-ups for too long. It is time, ladies and gentlemen, to create some new rivalries, Bond related rivalries, that will define us, divide us, and spark debate in our hearts once more. And now, get ready to pick your preferences as we examine the Bond rivalries of the new millennium…
Odd Job vs Roger Moore:
The Battle of the Judo Chop Masters
The Judo Chop went out of style during the early 90’s, but became popular again a few years ago thanks to Austin Powers. The two experts of the Judo chop are undeniably Odd Job and Roger Moore, but there can only be one true master. Odd Job was the original, the one who started it all, he even managed to knock out Sean Connery. But Roger Moore made the Judo chop his own during the seventies and eighties, Judo chopping his way to stardom in seven 007 films. A strong case can be argued for both sides. Who do you pick?
Wint & Kidd vs Bambi & Thumper:
The Battle of the Tag Teams
Ah, the classic tag team, it brings a tear to your eye. For the unfamiliar a tag team is two people who, individually, wouldn’t be a threatening presence to a fly, but put them together, and for some unknown reason they become a powerful force. There are two types of tag teams, plutonic ones, and lovers. Lovers are the most dangerous, because if you set fire to one of them, the other goes nuts and try extra hard to kill you. Wint and Kidd were the latter, thet’s why they were constantly able to knock out Bond and put in traps he could easily get out of. It’s hard to tell which type of tag team Bambi and Thumper were though.
Rosie Carver vs Paris Carver:
The Battle of the Carvers
Rosie Carver, the bumbling, afro wearing, fake CIA agent who leaves the safety catch on guns, up against Paris Carver, the two-timing wife of media mogal Elliot. When you pick your preference for this battle, keep in mind that among other things, Rosie is scared of voodoo dolls with coconut heads, and hats belonging to little men who lose fights with chickens. Hardly a resume that with strike fear in the hearts of her opponents. It’s said that you should never discuss sports or politics with your barber, because a disagreement could lead to a bad haircut, well I think you should never discuss which Carver is better either, or you could end up having to wear a hat 24/7 for the next fortnight.
Sean Connery vs Roger Moore:
The Battle of the Bonds
The old classic. Some people think that this rivialry has had its day, because while they were the only two (serious) Bonds back in 1983, today things have changed. The young generation have been brought up on Pierce Brosnan, and many a novel reader mark Timothy Dalton as the pick of the crop. Personally, I don’t think this is true, Connery vs Moore still has its place in rivialry folklore. Its still the raging debate over who gets to wear the James Bond crown and be King of the 007s. Connery has a huge following for his woman slapping, macho yet sohpistical style, while Moore has many fans in his corner who gaze in awe at his eyebrow raisng, quick witted take on the role. Some polls may have Connery slightly in front, but I think that this is a battle that may never be truely resolved, a classic battle that will outlive the two actors concerned, and probably outlive us all.
Until next time,
Freemo
