1. The SPECTRE Election

    By Luke Freeman on 2002-11-29

    For an organization that claims not to tolerate failure, SPECTRE seem to do just that (fail, that it) on quite a number of occasions, which is a shame because company policy ensures that employees who fail are subjected to painful and elaborate deaths. Infact, it seems that more SPECTRE casualties are results of embarrassing in-house executions than the more acceptable demise of being killed in action. Something is clearly amiss here, and I think the finger needs to be pointed squarely at the organizations President, Ernst Stavro Blofeld. His business qualifications are unknown and his working relationship with his employees could at best be described as poor, referring to them by number rather than name, and murdering staff on numerous occasions. Perhaps he was a great leader once, but his old fashioned methods are passe, no longer relevant in this new millennium. A recent incident involving a keg of beer, a hot air balloon and a goat as only added fuel to the fire. In any other organization, the board would surely pass a vote of no confidence over such a incompetent president. Perhaps Numbers 2 to 11 of SPECTRE should do the same, and sack their leader, a leader with a track record of failure over six James Bond films. The sacking of Blofeld who allow SPECTRE to move forward, look to the future and travel in a new direction. But who would take over the reigns as Chairman? Who would proudly bare the Number 1 ring on their pinkie? No doubt there would be an election for the allocation of a position this big. Today we examine a few possible candidates…

    Emilio Largo (Number 2): Has clearly had his one working eye on the top job for sometime now. Thirsty for success, he would defiantly enjoy the perks of being leader, and would love another house to add to his one in the Bahamas. It’s been said that he “knows the meaning of success”, and he would have no problem getting respect from the rest of the board, being referred to as “the winner who takes all”. An excellent chance for the job and the fact that he passionately believes that “the fight is worth is all” wont go against him either.

    Rosa Kleeb (Number 3): Selecting a woman as president is tempting, gives a false impression that SPECTRE are about equal opportunities and all that, but there are more reasons why Rose Kleeb who make a good commanding officer. She’s direct, knows what she wants, and isn’t afraid to be tough on her staff. But with those famous thick rimmed glasses, she may find it difficult to get people to take her seriously, and her history of defection would also be a concern for those considering voting for her.

    Kronsteen (Number 5): Revolutionary tactician, Kronsteen as leader could be just the thing that SPECTRE needs. If elected, he would totally restructure the organizations battle plans, and would no doubt come up with more than a few winning plays. No one disputes what a great leader he would be, but he may have it tough getting votes just the same, with members put off by his arrogant boasting and refusal to belief that any plan he masterminds could possibly fail.

    Irma Bunt: Could Vice-President Irma Bunt be the one to follow on from where Blofeld left off ? Since she’s always been a staunch Blofeld supporter, many would suspect that if Blofeld was sacked she would resign, but somehow I don’t think that would be the case. She has all the right qualities for leader, ruthless, demanding, cunning, if she chose to stay with the organization and run for the top job she could no doubt be a serious contender.

    Mr Wint and Mr Kidd: What better way could there be for SPECTRE to send the message to prospective share holders that they are a company of these modern times than to elect a gay chairman? The answer is: elect two gay co-chairmen. Mr Wint and Mr Kidd would make quite a formidable team, striking fear into the hearts of their competition. They are cultured, quite presentable and would be very marketable as the faces of SPECTRE. Unfortunately they have problems going for the kill, seen when they failed to dispose of Bond despite several attempts. That and their choice of lifestyle could see them struggle to get the conservative vote.

    Morzeny: Respected among all for his efforts in training the new SPECTRE recruits, Morzeny could be the real dark horse of the election. Another point in his favour is that he looks remarkably like General Gogol, which could come in real handy if SPECTRE ever tries to turn the British and the Russians against each other again some day. But he may be considered too good at his current role in the company to consider promoting, with the board concerned as to who they would get to fill his post at SPECTRE Island should he make the move to the head office.

    All in all, there are some excellent candidates there. Largo and Kronsteen would be the favourites, but any of them would make fine leaders. There’s lot of talent there, sure to spark a SPECTRE revival, with the organization striving to achieve success and no longer having to endure failure. it would seem that Blofeld has been holding them back all these years.

    Until next time,