1. The 007 Wonders of the World

    By Luke Freeman on 2002-05-17

    Hello Bond fans, internet surfers and would-be holiday makers. Today you’re in for a treat, because we will be going though a wild ride, as we uncover and gaze in awe at the 007 Wonders of the World. No, I’m not taking about dust gathering, has-been places that no one cares about like the sphinx or the Wall of China, I’m talking about the real wonders of the world, the 007 wonders of the world. So load your camera, pack your suitcase, dust of that passport and head for the airport, as I give you a comprehensive guide to the best that the world has to offer.

    001 – Blofeld’s Hollow Volcano: When I see the Pyramids of Egypt, the Statue of Liberty or the Leaning Tower of Pisa one word springs to mind, BORING!!! In terms of man made creations they pale into miserable insignificance when compared with Blofeld’s hollowed out volcano hideaway in You Only Live Twice. Bring plenty of film with you when you visit the volcano because you can never have too many pictures. From the metal pond that’s actually a retractable roof, to the control room of the Bald One where shutters can be opened and closed by voice command, there’s plenty of attractions to keep you happy for months.

    002 – Baha, California: In 1971, Diamonds Are Forever put Baha, California on the map and the place hasn’t looked back since. When travelers think of the top destinations of the world they think New York, they think Paris, London, Rome, and they think Baha. There are some many attributes that make Baha a wonderful tourist destination that it would be a crime just to name one, so I won’t name any. You could go to a Travel Agents and check out some brochurs, but they don’t come close to doing Baha justice, you have to catch a flight and see it for yourself.

    003 – Scaramanga’s Island: Tired of paying good money for a ticket into a dank, dodgy “fun” house at the carnival. Well have no fear folks, because I’ve found the ultimate fun house. Its a great place for the little ones to be entertained because its filled with wonderful cuddly characters that the kiddies will love, like Al Capone and his Gangsters. Parents out there worrying about your offspring sitting in front of the Nintendo all day getting fat and lazy, bring your young ones here. They’ll get plenty of fresh air and exercise from dodging golden bullets and running for their lives. Five Stars.

    004 – San Monique: San Monique is an island in the Caribbean. Its President is Dr Kananga and the nations main export is recreational drugs. Some travelers have found San Monique a little difficult to locate, this is perhaps partly due to the fact that San Monique doesn’t really exist. Sorry to ruin the fantasy folks but the island nation was made up just for Live and Let Die. Several Bond fans have spent years standing at the airport terminal, waiting for the next flight to San Monique, I just don’t have the heart to tell them the truth and spoil their fun.

    005 – Sean Connery’s Hairpiece: Undisputedly the greatest film prop in history, the hairpiece that Connery wore in his Bond films is keep in Scotland under very high security. The hairpiece is enclosed in 10 inch thick bullet proof casing surrounded by a laser force fields. Six guards, all armed to the teeth with machine guns and rocket launchers stand on either side of the toupee. The only method of entry into the room is by a metal door in which three passwords, a fingerprint scan and voice activation are required to open. All this, along with dozens of security cameras and outisde guards give an indication of just how valuable the hairpiece is.

    006 – Australia: Its a “007 Wonder” because 007 has never been to Australia (in the films anyway) and people wonder why. I mean come on, even Kentucky got its day in the sun, what does the land down under have to do to get a turn? Loads of tourist come to Australia every year and most of them leave thinking “Why don’t they make a Bond film here?”. With the Sydney Opera House and all the other Aussie sights there’s plenty of opportunites for good action sequences, plus the weathers nice and there are some nude beaches too, what more could Bond want?

    007 – The Smoke Stack: There are hundreds of large smoke stacks in industrial areas all around the world, but when someone says “The Smoke Stack”, everyone knows that they are referring to the one that Bond used a helicopter to drop Blofeld into during For Your Eyes Only. Sightseers come in droves to visit the area every year, some claiming that if you listen hard enough, soft wailing of the words “Nooooo Mr Booonnnnd” can be heard. Legend has it that Blofeld, his cat, and Kevin McClory are hiding within the smoke stack, working on plans for a new unofficial Bond film.

    “So many wonders, where should I go first?” I can hear you asking. Well its up to you. Whatever you decide though, I’d start planning right now because bookings really do fill up fast. If your not quick you may have to be content with something like the Eiffel Tower instead of the preferred Baha, California and no one wants that to happen to them.

    Thanks to Blofeld’s Cat for the idea.

    Until next time,