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  1. The Three Blind Killers

    “Three blind mice in a row
    Three blind mice there they go
    Marching down the street single file
    To a calypso beat all the while
    They’re looking for the cat
    The cat that swallowed the rat
    They want to show the cat the attitude
    of three blind mice

    Three blind mice here and there
    Three blind mice everywhere
    Searching all around for the cat
    All over Kingston town pitter pat
    They got the carving knife
    To cut the pussycat’s life
    The puss will get the knife for triflin
    with three blind mice
    So beware, Three blind mice
    Watch your step, Three blind mice
    Deadly mice”

    Sorry, but I just had to put that song in, the song in the opening of Dr No, leading into our first viewing of the killers. The Three Blind Killers, unlikely assassins, ruthless professionals, the first characters to appear in the James Bond film series. The Chinese Negros, disguised as blind beggers shuffle along the dusty roads under the hit sun of Jamaica. The first begger holding a stick in front to feel his way, the second begger holding his stick to the first, and the third to the second. They don’t suggest a deadly presence, but within two minutes they have killed Strangways, his secretary and stolen the files on Crab Key and Doctor No without any trace or clue to reveal they were ever there.

    The Three Blind Killers return later on in the film, hoping to also assassinate Bond, but don’t get a clear shot in. Then they disappear, they are absent from the Crab Key half of the film and are never seen again, leaving them along with Irma Burt, Baron Samedi and in a select group of Bond villians to escape punishment. But what happened to the Three Blind Killers? Yeah, some people seem to think they were in heasre that was chasing Bond and fell of the cliff to a firely demise, but sorry, that doesn’t quite cut if for me. How many films have you seen where the opening characters with their own song and everything die such an insignificant death? My theory is that, like all successful groups, they eventually split up and went their separate ways, but I’m sure that they all had revenge on their mind, revenge on Bond for the death of their manager Doctor No. For the sake of this theory, lets give the Three Killers the names Larry, Harry and Barry, and take a glance at their lives after Doctor No.

    Larry – It appears that Larry was planning his solo carrer when the ‘Killers’ were still together, Larry is ofcourse also Felix Lieter. Yes, that’s right, Larry is Lieter. He used a revolutionary surgery to change his skin colour, and was perhaps the inspiration for Michael Jackson. But back then the surgary was only temporary and had to be constantly reapplied. This explains why Leiter has dark skin in Never Say Never Again, he was waiting for his next appointment with the surgeon. Larry orginally went undercover as Lieter with hopes to kill Bond, but soon abandoned his wicked ways when he found religion, and made a new life for himself on the side of good as the CIA Agent we all know. You may scoff at that initially, but I challenge you to find a better way to explain to explain the weird, twisted world of Felix Lieter.

    Harry – It’s not known for certain what Harry did after the group broke up, but there are plenty of rumors. A popular anectdote is that Harry found his femmine side and became one of Octopussy’s island girls, but historians believe that he took to gambling in Cairo and is the one who Bond whacks in the opening of Diamonds Are Forever. Others claim to have spotted him in Thunderball, but this appears to be merely an urban legend not unlike the ones of Maud Adams being in A View to a Kill, or Blofeld’s cat being the real SPECTRE mastermind (I don’t know who came up with that one). Even Harry’s mother doesn’t know what because of him, but says she’s pround of her little assassin no matter what. Researchers are still devoting their lives to trying to discover what really became of Harry.

    Barry – Barry’s story is perhaps, the most intriguing of the three. He was the skinny one of the Three Blind Killers, but he didn’t stay slim for long. Barry wanted to continue on as a villians henchman, so he picked up the job guides one day and spotted a vacant position working for Kananga. He put in a resume and went for an interview as you tend to do when trying to get a job as a villains henchman. Kananga had an eye for spotting henchman talent, having already picked up Baron Samedi and the dude with the hook, and he was impressed with young Barry, offering him a job, but on condition that he beffed up, gained some wieght. Barry did just that, but he soon because addictted to fried chicken and became rather overweight. He changed his name to ‘Whisper’, and kept quiet to avoid suspicion.

    Garry – It is not well known, but there was indeed a fourth Blind Assasin. Garry is the driver of the getaway car used after the other three shoot Strangways. He was the apprentice and had hopes of becoming a fully fledged assassin himself. It was never to be. After the break-up Garry lost direction, trying his hand at several jobs. He the tried his luck as a solo hitman in the early 70’s, but apparently ended up with a golden bullet between his eyes, courtesy of Scaramanga, who, in his early days as a hitman, didn’t like the competition.

    The Blind Killers certainly left a mark on the James Bond series, they deserve far greater than the Dr No footnote mention that many people give them. I propose that from now, June 14th shall be known as “The Three Blind Killers Day” and on this time every year, we take a moment to remember the three characters that are the unsung heros of the Bond world.

    Until next time,

    Freemo

    Luke Freeman @ 2002-06-14
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