When we last left the exciting adventures of living life like James Bond, this brave author covered the finer points of enjoying alcohol the way 007 would. As I mentioned in my first piece, alcohol is best consumed with food, and very best alcohol should be consumed not only with the very best food, but also with the very best presentation and manners possible. With that in mind, welcome to this month’s column.

The Bond dining experience, much like the Bond drinking experience, begins with the proper invitation or the proper response to an invitation. Invitations for a dinner gathering should be answered as promptly as possible, and certainly never past the RSVP date. As a guest, it is considered good manners to bring a gift of some kind if you are going to someone’s home. Flowers or a bottle of good wine is fine.

If you are sending out invitations, give your friends at least a day’s notice for a casual dinner out. For a more formal dinner gathering or dinner party, give at least three days notice to allow your guests to prepare their clothing and find an appropriate gift for you, if they are coming to your home. A romantic dinner should be planned at least a week in advance to allow the anticipation to build, and to give you, the host or hostess, plenty of time to make the evening memorable.
The dress code is, as always, very important. If a friend invites you to dinner, it is perfectly acceptable to ask for a dress code, with one caveat. If you are invited to a barbeque, unless this is some sort of a theme event, you can count on the barbeque having an informal dress code. Other than that, a double oh agent to be should never step out in public in anything less than dressy casual attire. Leave the jeans and the sneakers for the barbeque.

For a gathering at a local diner or very informal bistro, khakis and a comfortable sweater (jumper) or nice button down shirt will do. The shoes can be loafers or lace ups in leather or suede. Lady agents in training can opt for boots if they look more like loafers with heels, and the part that rises above the ankle is kept up under the trousers. For a bistro, local restaurant, or a casual gathering at a friend’s home, trousers, skirts of appropriate length (no shorter than just below the knee), and dress shirts and blouses are required. Sorry ladies, the boots are out, but under these circumstances, flat pumps are acceptable. Both men and women should leave the suede shoes behind.

For still more formal gatherings – moderately ranked hotel restaurants and restaurants that would rank two to three stars or dinner at a friend’s home, when they have advised you that the dress is semiformal – semiformal attire is required. For gentleman, this means a shirt, tie, and perhaps a jacket. The tie can be cotton, satin or silk, but definitely should not be too wild in pattern. Women should arrive in a dress, a nice skirt / blouse or jumper combination, or a conservatively cut pantsuit, with something worn under the jacket. For the men, the shoes should be black. For the women, the shoes should match the outfit and should have a heel.

At formal gatherings – dinner parties where one’s boss is in attendance, dinner at four star restaurants or accommodations – nothing less than a tuxedo for a man, and formal evening wear (which means no pantsuits for the women) is required. Women should take particular care with the cut of their attire. One’s assets should be present, but not obvious, at least not at public gatherings.

Romantic dinners are certainly not public gatherings, but that does not mean that anything goes dress wise. Yes, I am well aware that it is very romantic for some couples to curl up on the couch in jeans and sweatshirts, eating Chinese takeout while watching the romantic movie de jour, but my audience is not up of the usual couples. You are double oh agents to be, and different rules apply.

You want your lover (or lover to be) to feel special and very much wanted. Make an effort, a very big effort, for the one you care about. Start the evening off a few days before with a handwritten note on your very best stationary inviting him or her to dinner. Specify formal attire – and mean it. Wear the tux or the evening gown. Ladies, since there is more on the menu than food, the cut of your gown can be a little more liberal than at a restaurant or dinner party at someone else’s home.

That being said, remember there is nothing so potent as a lover’s imagination. Set a formal place setting (which I will explain in a moment), with the best china and crystal you have. Use full-length candles in a shade that matches your tablecloth. Put flowers on the table. The arrangement should be tasteful, but should not blow your budget. The height of the arrangement does not matter, for the flowers will be removed to side table once the meal is served. The music should be soft jazz (save the Miles Davis experiments for another evening), or classical music where the piano or strings dominate. A selection of quiet concertos or minuets should do the trick. The lighting should be low, but not so low that you cannot see and appreciate whom you are sitting across or next to.

When seated at the dinner table, be it at a restaurant or at a home, you can count on seeing place settings that are deemed formal or informal. Rather than explaining them to you, I call your attention to the website of the Western Silver company, that has provided wonderful graphic examples of how a place should be set for a formal or informal gathering. The web address is http://www.westernsilver.com/place_settings.html.

We all live in a highly technological world where loved ones and employers have many ways to find us. Hopefully, we are excused from their presence for a few hours when we are at dinner. Mobile phones, pagers, and PDA’s should be turned off completely while at the dinner table. If you are hosting a romantic dinner for two or a dinner party at your home, turn off the phone’s ringer, and let the answering service get it. However, if you are a guest at someone’s home and your profession dictates that you be on call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, keep your mobile phones and / or pagers on the silent mode. At a romantic dinner, weigh your options carefully – a romantic night with a loved one with the phones off, and no job in the morning, or one dinner interrupted and the potential to have a job that will let you take your loved one somewhere far away where your employer cannot find you.

Hosts and hostesses should seat their guests in a pattern alternating the males and females around the dinner table. Established couples should sit together, otherwise seat as you see fit. If there are more than six people attending, use place cards to avoid any seating confusion. A good guest should chat with the person to their right, left, or directly in front of them, if there is nothing large (and there should not be anything that large), blocking them. Never call out to someone a good distance across a dinner table from you.

Once seated at a dinner party, keep the napkin folded in half across your lap. At a luncheon, you may open the napkin all the way. If you must leave the table, put it to the side of your plate. Never leave it on your seat. You should leave the table to take an emergency phone call, to blow your nose, or to remove something caught in your teeth.

If it is customary for your host or hostess to say Grace before a meal, allow them to do so. Keep your head bowed while they say their prayers, and do not begin eating until they do so. In more romantic situations, if you say grace and your lover does not, do not say your prayers at the table if it makes them uncomfortable. You can thank your higher power later for the wonderful meal. He or She will understand.

Most of what I have said so far is a combination of common sense and the manners that have been drilled into us by our parents since we were young. But sometimes not even mom and dad can help us with the certain terrors of the dinner party – what to do with tricky foods like chicken on the bone or oysters or fruit platters, or dessert. Once more I call your attention to an excellent website, Epicurious, which has gone above and beyond the call of duty in explaining how to eat those foods that confuse even the best etiquette experts. Their website is http://www.epicurious.com/c_play/c02_polite/polite.html For the sake of our discussion, I will briefly mention those foods closely associated with Bond and the Bond experience.

It is acceptable to serve caviar one of two ways: either passing the caviar itself out first, and then passing a second platter around the dinner table with the various condiments for caviar. The caviar should be removed from the communal crock or bowl using a teaspoon, and one teaspoon at a time should be taken. The condiments should be taken off the platter with individual small serving spoons. Fix your individual canapé with a knife once it is on your plate. You should use your fingers to pick up the canapé at that point. If the canapés are already made for you, simply lift it off the serving dish with your fingers and eat it.

Salads are eaten with a special fork that you will find closest to your dish. If there are some larger bits of vegetables or lettuce present, you should cut them before placing them in your mouth. Cherry tomatoes should be eaten in one bite, so not as to squirt the juice out of your mouth. If these are too big to be eaten with one bite, bite off the first half gently, and then finish the rest carefully. Olive pits and other large seeds should be removed from your mouth with a fork, and placed discretely at the side of your plate.

Soups that are of a clear broth or stock should be served in bowls known as consommé cups. To test the heat of the soup, use a spoon. If it is acceptable for consumption, lift the cup up and drink it – quietly. If the soup is served in a larger cup known as a cream soup bowl, (distinguishable by the handles on both sides), use both hands to drink from the cup, or use a spoon. In very formal settings, and for soups that are heartier in nature, a soup plate is used. I should not have to say this, but for the sake of saying it, that plate should never be picked up. A spoon should be used, and when it is used move the spoon away from the plate’s edge when serving yourself. When finished, leave the spoon to the right on the plate underneath the consommé cup, or in the case of a soup plate, put the spoon to the right of the plate.

For smaller game like Cornish hens, quail, pigeon or squab, cut the wings and legs off the bird in question with a knife and fork. It is acceptable to eat those parts with your fingers, since it would be too hard to cut the meat off with a knife and fork. However, the meat that is on the body of the bird should be removed with a knife and a fork.

Full sized chickens are an entirely different matter. If you are served chicken on the bone, your host or hostess should serve you a half of a chicken. Remove the wings and legs from the body with a knife and fork. Because these are larger wings and legs, you are expected to remove the meat from those portions with a knife and fork. The meat that cannot be easily removed should be left on the bone. The body is eaten the same way the body of small game would be eaten.

If you are served a fish with the head and tail still attached, cut them off with a knife and fork and then move them to the far side of your plate. Bracing the knife at the backbone of the fish, place the tip inside the fish and slice it from head to tail. That done, you can either remove the backbone first, open the fish as if it were a book and remove the backbone, or simply eat the top fillet first and then remove the backbone.

In cases where you find game or fish bones in your mouth, remove the smaller bones with your fingers, and larger ones with your fork, placing the bones at the far side of your plate.
Shellfish are a nightmare both for the hosts and the guests. It goes without saying that the host / hostess must be absolutely sure that the shellfish is editable and safe. Buy your shellfish from reputable fish market. All shellfish must open while it cooks. If it does not, it is not editable and under no circumstances should be served.

Clams or oysters served raw should already be opened for the guest. The guest should not cut the meat in half, nor should they dip the meat into the condiment. Instead, using a teaspoon, put the condiment onto the meat of the oyster or clam, and eat it. Never drain the juice from the shell, unless you are in very informal settings.

Mussels served in a sauce should be eaten by extracting the meat with a seafood fork. Mussels, oysters, and clams that are steamed should be extracted from the shell, (in the case of the clams and oysters, they should be removed by pulling on its neck), dipped in a broth, then into the butter, and consumed in one bite. Fried oysters, clams, shrimp, and scallops can be cut and consumed with a fork.

Much to the great relief of all those concerned with proper attire, it is not necessary to put on one of those ghastly plastic lobster bibs when eating a lobster. Simply tuck a napkin into your collar or neckline if you think there is going to be a problem. The claws of the lobster can be twisted off the body with one’s hands before using a nutcracker to break the shell. Once the shell is broken, use a small pick or seafood fork to remove the meat. If the tail is still attached to the lobster, you can also break the tail off using your hands. You may also use your hands to split the tail apart gently, before removing the meat with your main course fork. Use that same fork and a knife to cut the meat into smaller pieces before consuming it. In cases of the claw meat and tail meat, you should use your fork to tip the meat into whatever condiment is provided before eating the meat. The legs are eaten last, after being twisted off with your hands. You are allowed, even in formal occasions, to suck the meat out of the legs.

If bread is served as an accompaniment to the meal, there should be a separate plate for it, located to the upper left of your dinner plate. Put the bread there. Better restaurants will put scoops of butter on the table for your use. Using your butter knife, serve yourself a portion and place it on your bread dish. Break your bread into smaller pieces and then butter the bread as you see fit before putting it in your mouth.

Condiments like mint jelly or cranberry sauce are taken from the serving dish and placed on the side of your main dish, near the food it will garnish. Sauces and gravy should be placed with a very light touch on the meat they flavour. If there is extra gravy to be sopped up, do so with small pieces of bread that is placed in the mouth with a fork.

At both informal and formal gatherings, it is customary to serve fruit before dessert. When at formal dinners, peel bananas, with a fruit knife if possible, removing the banana from the skin. You should then cut it with a knife and fork before eating. Berries (with the exception of cherries, which are eaten by hand, with the pit removed with a fork), are eaten with a spoon, regardless if they are served with cream or not.

And, believe it or not, in Die Another Day, Jinx actually served Bond a fig correctly. Almost. If served plain, figs are to be halved, and eaten with a knife and fork. If they are drenched in a cream or juice, they should be eaten with a spoon and fork. If figs are served as part of an appetizer with fine meat like prosciutto, these too should be eaten with a knife and fork, with the stems cut off.

Although it would not surprise me to know that James Bond was a fan of James Cagney, I do not think Mr. Bond would espouse the Cagney method of grapefruit consumption. Once halved, grapefruits are to be eaten with a teaspoon or a grapefruit spoon, if your host has provided one. If an orange has been cut before being served, it too may be eaten in the same way. Otherwise, peel the orange with your knife and pull the sections apart with your fingers.

I would like to make three points about dessert. The first one being it is very bad manners, unless there are extenuating circumstances to leave before dessert is served. You are there for the whole meal, enjoy it all. The second point is when sorbet is served as a dessert, it should be eaten with a spoon. If it is used to clean your palate between courses or to accompany the main meal, it may be eaten with a fork. Ice cream should always be eaten with a spoon, unless it is served as a topping, such as with a pie alamode. In those cases, you may eat it with a fork because there is something solid underneath it.

If the Felix Leiter in your life invites you to a barbeque keep in mind that in those cases, it is acceptable, if not expected for you to use your fingers to eat chicken off the bone. Corn on the cob should be seasoned and buttered one row at a time or one section at a time. Eating it by row or by section is entirely up to the diner. Unless they are shoestring French Fries (in other words, very narrow fries), French Fries, even in informal situations, should be eaten with a fork.

After the meal, and if you know your host well enough to know he or she won’t mind, help with the clean up. As a guest, you are not expected to do so, (unless you are a close family member of the host or hostess), but the gesture is appreciated. Besides, helping with the dishes is a wonderful way to gather work, friend, or family related “intelligence.”

For the lovers, helping with the dishes gets the task out of the way and allows the rest of the evening’s activities to proceed. It does bear noting that water play is an excellent version of foreplay, if that is what the night calls for.

If you have eaten out with friends, and it is made clear that the bill is to be shared among you, be prepared to tip at least fifteen to twenty percent at moderately priced restaurants, more so at finer establishments. Do not disappear when it is time to pay the bill. That is neither polite nor honorable. If it was not made clear as to who is paying for the meal, offer to do so, if it is within your means. If you are an invited guest, chances are the host wants to pay. If they accept your offer, make no extra show of paying the bill. However, if they insist on paying, do not argue with them.

Thank you notes should be sent if you have been a guest at someone’s dinner party. If this visit has meant staying over, or if the meal was particularly lush, send a small gift as well. The notes and gifts should be sent the day after leaving the home. If you are the guest of a romantic dinner, send a thank you note on your best stationary, and then a day later send an invitation returning your lover’s gesture on the same stationary. If that dinner has lead to an extended gathering, shall we say, thank the person in the morning as you see fit, and send a thank you note a day later.
You should wait at least two weeks, if all has gone well, before extending to your friends an invitation to dine out at your expense. When you next throw your own dinner party, you should invite to that gathering those people who last had you to their homes. To keep relationships alive and healthy, try having a romantic dinner at home at least once a week.

When on assignment, Bond used fine dining to cut the tension from the day, or he used it to gather intelligence in a very unobtrusive way. In England, 007 found dining to be a wonderful way to relax and to broaden his expertise in the female population. Agents in training should approach fine dining in the same fashion, with good measures of style and substance accompanying the meal. If you do this, you might just find yourself in the company of an agent worthy of your time and talent.

Barbara Emanuele can be reached through barbara.emanuele@commanderbond.net. Feedback and comments are welcomed.