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  1. The Drinking Game

    Normally “Freemo’s Friday” has aura of undisputable class about it. A certain high standard that readers, if any, have become accustomed to since the series began. This article, however, will put an end to that reputation. Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare to get hammered, because its time to play “The Drinking Game”, 007 style. Its not a difficult concept, gather a few friends, bring them over, get some booze and a couple of Bond videos and your set to go. For those underage who are unable to purchase alcohol and don’t have any older siblings to get it for you, try and find the key to Daddys liquor cupboard. Grade schoolers unfortunaly, will have to settle for getting high on red cordial, but the rest of you who play the game with be rewared with a hangover that will make it all worthwhile.

    Now, you need to work out a set of rules that will get you “off your collective faces” as it were, but still hopefully enable you and your drunken posse to get though the whole film without too much vomiting. Its a delicate balance and one that takes great care to achieve. Here are a set of rules which I think gets the job done quite nicely…

    Consume required number of drinks each time event occurs in the film.

    Have 1 Drink when…

    – Our hero introduces himself as “Bond, James Bond”
    – Bond orders a Vodka Martini “Shaken Not Stirred”
    – Bond and an attractive woman do ‘you know what’
    – Bond’s card playing abilities defy the laws of probability.
    – A girl wears a bikini with no intention of going swimming.
    – Bond meets his contact.
    – Bonds contact speaks.
    – Bonds contact is killed.

    Have 2 Drinks when…

    – Bond throws his hat on to the stand.
    – Q tells Bond to “Pay attention 007”
    – M and Moneypenny make an appearance.
    – Somebody wonders what they would ever do without Miss Moneypenny
    – The villian is an evil ruthless man, but still shows affection towards his pet.
    – The henchman does something that shows their incredible physical strengh.

    Have 3 Drinks when…

    – The villian reveals his plan a little prematurely.
    – Bond escapes an elaborate death trap.
    – Bond says goodbye to Felix Lieter.

    Drink the whole bar when…

    – A villian succesfully shoots Bond.

    The last rule was a joke rule, made under the impression that Bond never ever gets hit, despite the hundreds of bullets that villians have shot in his direction. This is the case in most films, but there is one exception to the rule, as me and my friends were to painfully discover since Thunderball was the film we used for our first drinking game. As most of you probably know, Bond gets shot in the leg during the film when he gets away from the villians at the Mardi Gras. There was an arguement other wheather the shot was within the rule, people suggesting that the shot appeared accidental and therefore invailed, or arguing that the rule was only really in place as a joke and couldn’t really be taken seriously. But a rule is a rule, so we proceeded to drink out the entire bar.

    Needless to say, all of the competetors passed out midway through the underwater climax, though many claimed it was because the underwater scenes are as boring as snot. With no one able to last the distance, we were unable to declare a winner. So all competetors agreed to return next week for a rematch. So let that be a lesson to you when playing this game, expect the unexpected. Oh, and one more thing, make sure your house isn’t the one where you play the game, otherwise it will be you who’s left to scrub the beer stains (and other stains that I won’t mention) out of the carpet.

    Until next time,

    Freemo

    Luke Freeman @ 2002-05-03
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